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What Comes Up Goes Down

One of those strange thoughts that catches you in an idle moment when you are waiting for a Northern train to arrive on a Saturday (they’re on strike) or when all help lines are “very busy at the moment and your call is important to us.“

And the thought; have you ever considered what happens to all the soil that is dug out of a grave? No, thought so. Understandably with Brexit banging around like a brick in a tin dustbin this thought may have escaped you. But it is a real problem. If you ignore the trick question “how much soil is in a hole six feet deep by seven feet long and two feet wide? – always catches the grandchildren out; the answer is nowt as there isn’t any soil in a hole. But there was. 

Digging a grave produces a heap of soil, some of which goes back in the grave but a chunk is left over. And this has been piling up over the years in St Helen’s churchyard. Now some of you might have thought OK let’s get a JCB and a skip and the job’s done. But then we would have overlooked the small but nevertheless massive obstacle in the way. Soil dug out of graves in a Church yard is consecrated ground and you can’t just chuck it away, not without being clouted with divine retribution.

Thus the grave spoil heap that has been resembling a pit heap of old (remember them) needs re- distribution, and a working group amassed. All three of us so far. The job entailed shifting the soil from point A and spreading it over point B. As the vicar remarked, rather like the film the “Great Escape.” I should add point B is a depression in the church yard where no grave activity is known.  But logic states there could be in the future, which means the relocation exercise could carry on ad infinitum. It could be a battle between the grave diggers and the back spreaders reminiscent of a great Boondoggler. 

Anyway it is a great way to exercise, far better than any spinning class as you actually achieve something in addition to fitness, no really. There is plenty of spoil yet to shift so if you fancy joining the working group that is meeting each Monday in October from 10:00am to 12:00 noon just turn up with wheelbarrow and shovel. There’s even a tea break at 11:00.

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